Over the past 2 weeks, Mark and I have been applying for jobs. I've been looking for something very part-time I could do in the mornings while Alivia is asleep and before Mark goes to work, or some kind of night shift. This month marks one year since I gave up my AWESOME paying job due to being horribly sick from pregnancy. Ever since then, every time I would go to apply for a tiny, part-time job, I'd get a sick unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. This time around I didn't get that sick feeling...
I got a call yesterday morning asking if I would like to interview for a custodial job for Utah State University. The pay is average and the hours were PERFECT- 4 am to 8 am. The extra cash that would come in from it is so incredibly needed.
Then my day happened. Alivia Helen Cochran, that exceptional, little baby girl... ever since she was born I've felt like she skipped the newborn phase. Actually, I feel like she skipped the little girl phase, altogether, and moved right into adulthood. Minus, the poopy diapers, immobile...ness, and well, the fact that she can't talk, but hey, this girl does not have to talk in order to teach me a valuable lesson, it's in those bright blue eyes.
She knows quite well when we're stressed or change is in the air. I think all babies are quite sensitive to things along that line. They listen, sense, and, feel, better than any of us do.
We needed this job opportunity that was just presented to me, but looking back on my day, I know she could sense that I was planning on leaving her in the mornings. I just know it.
Al is not one to cry and cry and cry, there's usually one reason she's crying hard and it's because she is very hungry. Even after being well fed, there was not one minute of my day that I was able to put her down without blood curdling screams. I had to take her to the bathroom with me at one point (yes, being a Mom really is a 24/7 gig), she was in such a state of hysteria. She was unusually clingy and if I wasn't in her line of vision, she'd scream. There was no nap, no playtime, no smiles. I finally had to take her for a walk in her beloved stroller. I was out an hour and half walking, aimlessly pushing her so she could fall asleep and get a cat nap in. Walking around a Cemetery is only interesting for so long in a day, there's not much life to the scenery inside those gates. But anything for a nap!!
I told Mark about my job opportunity and he said we'll chat more when he got home from work. He asked if I would look and apply for some part-time jobs in his behalf. I sent off his resume to a few places and then moved on with my day.
Our night was similar to the day and bedtime was a struggle for my overtired, puffy eyed, baby girl.
There was no way I could leave her. Even for a few hours in the mornings while she was sleeping, and I'm convinced she knew that, too. Silly as it may seem to everyone on the outside, I knew in her adult-baby ways, what she was telling me.
"Brothers and sisters, do without if you need to, but don’t do without mother. Mother is more important in the home than money or the things money can buy. Our Father in heaven wants you to be in your home to guide these spirits as no one else can, in spite of material sacrifices that may result. He created you to learn to be a good mother—an eternal mother. It is your first and foremost calling. No baby-sitter, no grandmother, no neighbor, no friend, no Relief Society sister, older brother or sister, or even a loving dad can take your place." -H. Burke Peterson
This quote from my ABSOLUTE favorite General Conference talk, replayed in my head all day yesterday, and I don't know why I didn't pay it any attention.
When Mark came home from work we both decided to go ahead and cancel the interview I set up, and that we would manage without the extra cash it would produce. He then proceeded to tell me about some up coming lead positions that are opening up at work and how he has some strong connections through his current boss, so there's a very good chance he would get it. Lead positions mean a couple dollar raise!
Mark also received an e-mail back from and employer that I had sent a resume out to earlier that day, setting up a time to meet. The job would be a Farmhand/Handyman, extremely flexible part-time hours, and did I mention it's on a farm? Anyone who knows my Husband knows how passionate he is over that kind of work. He's majoring in Agribusiness, after all. Tonight, he meets with the man and I'm praying he gets this awesome opportunity.
Heavenly Father knows. He also knows when WE know better, but gives us the liberty to exercise our agency. Yesterday I was able to RE-learn a valuable lesson that I obviously needed a refresher-course in. When you're reading your scriptures, saying your prayers, and doing your part daily, He will not leave you hanging. He knows your needs, and I say that with absolute confidence because Alivia has been napping for the last 3 hours, and that's exactly what we both needed today.
P.s- READ THIS TALK. You won't regret it.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1974/04/mother-catch-the-vision-of-your-call?lang=eng
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