Third trimester reminder.

There's a point in pregnancy where it's just not cute anymore. Swelling, triple chins, the waddle, and a second round of maternity clothes shopping because nothing will fit over your now protruding belly. I hit that point a little earlier than usual this time. Three pregnancies in less than 2 years will do that. 

Nonetheless, it has arrived.

And every time that switch happens it causes me to reflect back to those days when I was blonde and skinny, husband-less, kid-less and even a bit direction-less. Forever longing for the skinny part. 

I can't tell you how bad I want to fit into my favorite pre-Alivia blue polka dot shirt still hanging in my closet, or how I'm a tad bitter over my pretty blonde hair turning brown because of pregnancy.
But then I think of all the things I've learned, and how I've changed so much over the past 2 years of being a Mother. I hardly recognize myself.

Motherhood has given me a direction, and one that I (obviously) can't get enough of. I wouldn't change a thing. Chatting with Alivia today; I told her I was so lucky, and I asked her how I got to be so lucky. Mark answered and said, "because you put in the hard work".

I love that answer.

It reminded me that there's a season for everything. My current season really does include a lot of hard work, a lot of spiritual growth as a wife and mother, and a lot of focus raising a family up unto the Lord.

It may not include fitting into my favorite blue polka dot shirt, but you can bet I'm going to hold on to it until that season arrives. 

I am Mom strong: Birth story.

Tuesday the 28th, six days past due, I went to what was now my weekly pre-natal appointment, hoping that the membrane strip my Midwife just finished would be the thing to get it all started. 

I dreamed of walking out of that Women's center with my water breaking, only to rush over to the Hospital, labor for an hour, and voila... a baby! 

Two membrane strips on the same day and still. 

not. 

one. 

sign. 

I like the idea of God's timing. So inducement was never an option that I even considered. But being pregnant for 2 years, I needed this baby out of me. After wrestling with the thought of being induced, I decided to go ahead with it. 

We got it scheduled and it was set.

Heading to the Hospital early the next morning I felt a lot of anxiety. This was the first time I was to deliver in a Hospital and it made me nervous. I'm not a huge fan of monitors and IV's, or annoying blood pressure arm bands. Also, I hated knowing that while being induced they were going to pump some strange substance into my body. That was probably my least favorite thought. Pitocin is not a natural thing, and that scared me the most.

Mark and I settled into our room and made ourselves as comfortable as we could, knowing full well we had a long day ahead of us.

The Nurse came in hooking me up to an IV and some monitors. Feeling some strong contractions, I was surprised at how fast the pitocin worked! About 25 minutes later the Nurse came back in, only for me to find out she had not even administered it yet. 

That right there was an incredible tender mercy. 

My body was going into labor that morning all by itself, and that brought the peace to my mind that I so desperately was searching for.

This Hospital experience was entirely different than my first birth. It was uneventful. A lot of waiting. Mark and I sat watching some television, I bounced on the birthing ball and we just talked and waited for things to happen. Another tender mercy was the amount of pitocin that was put into my body. The Nurse told us that with most women, every hour they turn it up 2 levels usually until 30. My level stayed at a 3. They call it a "whiff of pit" and I was so relieved that that was all it took. 

Contractions started to get painful around the 1:00 hour. They were so deep and so intense. The pitocin makes everything a little bit more rough, and I was definitely feeling it! Things were a bit easier to manage this time around. I knew what to expect and how I was able to cope through contractions best. 

Dejavu all over again, I hopped into the jetted tub they had in the room across from mine, but I wasn't in there long. I knew from Alivia's birth that the tub was more of a deterrent than anything. But it makes for a nice break from all the pressure my body feels.

I love labor.

As painful as it is, I love the empowerment it gives. I feel strong, beautiful, and a certain oneness with Heaven. I also love the silent connection between Mark and I. Relying on his strength and encouragement to get me through the worst of it.

It is absolutely breathtaking.

I could feel it was time for my baby boy to be born. Finding a position that was comfortable was very difficult in that Hospital room. I finally climbed up on the bed putting my feet up on a bar, having Mark sitting behind me.

Pushing was hard. My Midwife gave me a numbing solution and it seemed only to take away the natural push feeling that my body is supposed to give.

This baby boy was so unmotivated and very content where he was at, but after about 8 hours of labor... 

Hanson Mark Cochran was born 3:06pm in the afternoon.

 7.15 lbs. 20 inches long.

Hanson is named after his Granddad Mark, his great-great-great-Granddad Hanson, and of course his Daddy.

I'll be very honest in saying how hesitant I was finding out we were to have a little boy. I'm the oldest in my family and my Brother comes after me. We're 18 months a part and as of the last 2 years there's been a huge strain on our relationship. 

Having Alivia and then Hanson, being a year a part, I felt it identical to my brother and I, and I was scared things would repeat. Totally irrational, but nonetheless it was a fear.

Holding Hanson for the first time was oh so sweet. All my worries and fears vanished, like they usually do when you hold your newborn.

 Another piece of my heart was on the outside. 

The love I have for my son is nothing more or nothing less than for what I feel for my daughter, but it is a completely different kind. I've struggled to explain it but I just can't put it into words.

Hanson is the most tender little boy. I knew from the minute he was put into my arms what kind of balance he'd bring to our home. 

I read a phrase today that I fell in love with.

"Mom Strong"

Raising two very unique, very determined children has been (and continues to be) a very large learning curve. Obviously I could not do any of it without God and my husband Mark, but I have felt like super-mom on more than one occasion and the things I have been able to accomplish surprise me. I can do hard things.

Hanson is a reminder of how proud I am of myself and how mom strong I really am. 

Double Standards.

Right now I feel like everything that makes me who I am, is under attack. Satan's war on Women and Mothers is deepening and it's intense. I have recently felt it intensify in my home, in my social circles, and in myself personally.

This last week, I let into my home some media entertainment that I should not have. I've had a sick haunting feeling ever since. I failed as a Wife and a Mother in my stewardship as guardian over our home, while my Husband is away during the day.

My Husband always asks why I'm so picky and even a bit strict with the music, movies, and books, I'll allow. It's because it is my weakness. My downfall every time.

But I'm so done with double standards, I could vomit.

Why am I allowing myself to watch Gilmore Girls when it does nothing but make single parenthood look glamorous, it promotes pre-marital sex, and prioritizes career over marriage?

Why am allowing the Arrow in my home when it is filled with violence and killing?

I watched the show Parenthood in which abortion, drugs, and homosexuality, take place.

I believe in the family. I believe in the sanctity of marriage between man and woman. I believe a Mother's place is not in the workforce, but in the home. I believe in having children, not in birth control or abortion. I believe in the Patriarchal order and that my Husband leads my children and I in the like manner of our Father in heaven.

So why do I continually open my front door and let every single thing opposite to what I stand for, in?

I have been nothing but chastised by the Spirit this past week. I literally scrubbed, cleaned, and organized my house from top to bottom I have never felt so filthy. I turned the hymns and General Conference on repeat in hopes to restore the spiritual environment my little family needs in order to survive.

I'm exhausted trying to combat the world while trying to protect my own home. If there's one important lesson I have learned and am continually learning, is my home is a refuge. I may not be able to control what goes on in the world, but alongside my husband we can make our home a refuge from it. We get to decide what kind of things we let through our front door and what kind of environment we want for our family. 

Double standards. Blech.

"Journal" Entry: Being Mom.

I realize I talk about how much I love being a Mom, quite often. Excerpts here and there describing my gratitude and the joys of my newfound job. But never have I felt this passion so strongly in my life. I love every aspect of Motherhood. It is why I am here. It is what I am placed on this earth for. Seconds after being placed in my arms, 22 years of searching for my personal life mission, was completed. I think that's what is so amazing to me. I spent years on my knees asking God what He wanted for me. Years of prayers and different paths taken, all in search of something that I actually thought was pretty stereotypical for a Mormon girl to want. I wanted something more. To do something bigger. God knew better. He knew this would be the biggest thing I could ever do.

No college degree, or world travels, or even alone time with my Husband could EVER replace this. I cringe at the thought of the different outcome that may have taken place over the postponement of my children.

The Fruit.

I don't know where to start.

My heart aches.

It aches for quite a few reasons as of late...

It aches for our nation and the division that is speedily being created.

It aches for America the Covenant land.

For Family units that are deteriorating.

For marriage taken so casually.

For friends and neighbors who have turned on one another.

For lives that have been lost at the hand of evil.

It aches for those who have not experienced the light of the Gospel in their lives, yet.

But mostly, my heart is aching for those that have willfully turned their back on their Savior Jesus Christ.

My sensitivity gets the best of me and I seem too often to place the weight of the world directly on my shoulders.

This week I've written and re-written, and then later erased, so many different things I thought my soul needed to convey on here. But not one of them felt completely right.

So I have just watched the chaos around me unravel continuously, and have waited until I knew how to properly express what I've been feeling.

Quite often it takes a few days to pinpoint specific feelings being felt, and then once recognized, my spirits usually lift and I can move forward. This time, it has taken a couple of weeks.

Anguish along with an incredible depth of gratitude are two feelings I thought near impossible to experience simultaneously. But in feeling such, my mind has recently wandered to the story where we read about Father Lehi's vision.

Immediately after experiencing the joy produced from the fruit of the Tree of Life, Lehi looked around for his family members to join and partake of the goodness, as well. Having most of Lehi's family follow in partaking, the remaining Laman and Lemuel refused to join.

I wonder at that moment how much grief was felt, knowing his two Eldest sons were never going to know the joy and the light that the rest of the family were able to feel.

While Laman and Lemuel grew stagnant, maybe even regressed, all in the dark loneliness of each others bitter company, missing out on light, knowledge, and the eternal blessings that come from obedience, I think of the probable gratitude Lehi was feeling at the same time. Having a good portion of his family experience the fruit and the unified progression that was felt.

But what a hollow sense of enjoyment for a family to participate together in eternal blessings, while having their loved ones withhold themselves from those same blessings.

This scripture story hit home. For multiple reasons and pertaining to different life situations, but it hit hard. I am able to identify with Father Lehi and the coinciding feelings in the verses.

One tends to focus on what is missing rather than what is in front of you. My little family unit is headed for the fruit, I may not have every single person my heart desires walking alongside, but I have my own. Just as Father Lehi didn't stop and wait for everyone to catch up, I cannot either. And that is one of the hardest lessons I'm learning.

While I may feel a sense of grief over those withholding, I feel a depth of gratitude, beyond any description, over the family I do have. The light and knowledge given through progression is beautiful and I'm grateful for the decisions I personally have made in order to be a part of it. I'm able to walk alongside my companion with our babies in tow, toward the fruit and the blessings that lie ahead.

Obedience to the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a safety net, and I am grateful for that safety I feel everyday.

The Plan of Salvation reminds me that I am not alone in my endeavors.

The Prophet is placed on this earth, called of God, and through his voice I can hear Gods voice of instruction.

Through the Covenants made in the Temple I will be able to see my brothers and sisters in the next life.

All these simple truths have brought immeasurable comfort throughout the worldly chaos. I cannot thank my Heavenly Father enough for allowing me everyday to fully participate in the power of the Atonement, made possible by our Savior.

We will never be able to assist those that are lost and confused, unless we ourselves are rooted in the simple truths of the Gospel.

We cannot stop. We cannot wait. We must keep going with the ones we do have walking alongside us, and pray we will find each other at the end.

I'm grateful for the shift of focus Father Lehi and his story has brought to me personally, and the much needed peace that comes in following Jesus Christ.

Here we go!! (coming March 2017)

Even if a baby is expected, it's still a pretty big shock. You're in it for the long haul, no matter what comes your way.

Well, we found out June 25th 2016, that second baby Cochran is on it's way, and it's no less of a shock than the first time around!

Mark taught Elders Quorum yesterday and the topic was Faith. I'm certain The Lords hand was in constructing that, because this week more than ever, we needed the reminder.

While dating, Mark and I talked about how we both wanted a big family. I remember asking him for the first time, how many kids he wanted and his answer was however many God wanted him to have. His answer matched mine and I knew, right then and there, that I would be marrying this Man.

I've always had some very strong opinions on birth control and any kind of contraceptive. So instead of relying on man-made prevention we decided to put our trust in God, His timing and His plan for us and our family.

One of the blessings from this belief, aside from not running into fertility complications due to birth control, is our increased Faith. Expecting a second child and knowing that it's His will for us to raise two choice spirits so close in age, is an honor.

It has taken a lot of Faith this week because a second child does not seem logical. We already have a 4 month old and our financial situation is not the greatest. The thought is completely overwhelming and I've been more worried about what certain friends and family are going to say that it overshadowed my excitement.

After our Sabbath Day yesterday, I'm able recognize that those thoughts are of Lucifer and my Faith has been renewed, refreshed, and I am reminded of the eternal perspective of families.

We don't have much time until Jesus Christ comes again, I don't have time to "space" my children according to the worlds timeline, or wait until we're financially set. I need to get every member of my family here on this side, no matter how fast or how insane we seem to the outside world. Our Cochran family has an important work to do and I'm excited.

Just my thoughts...so...

Heeeere weeee goooo!!

(Coming March 2017)

http://www.josephsmithforum.org/research/faqs/01-birth-control-what-is-the-first-commandment-ever-given-by-the-lord-to-man-how-does-the-lord-feel-about-birth-control-should-couples-postpone-having-children/

Tender Mercies.

Yesterday was, well... H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS. But I RE-learned an important lesson.

Over the past 2 weeks, Mark and I have been applying for jobs. I've been looking for something very part-time I could do in the mornings while Alivia is asleep and before Mark goes to work, or some kind of night shift. This month marks one year since I gave up my AWESOME paying job due to being horribly sick from pregnancy. Ever since then, every time I would go to apply for a tiny, part-time job, I'd get a sick unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. This time around I didn't get that sick feeling... 

I got a call yesterday morning asking if I would like to interview for a custodial job for Utah State University. The pay is average and the hours were PERFECT- 4 am to 8 am. The extra cash that would come in from it is so incredibly needed. 

Then my day happened. Alivia Helen Cochran, that exceptional, little baby girl... ever since she was born I've felt like she skipped the newborn phase. Actually, I feel like she skipped the little girl phase, altogether, and moved right into adulthood. Minus, the poopy diapers, immobile...ness, and well, the fact that she can't talk, but hey, this girl does not have to talk in order to teach me a valuable lesson, it's in those bright blue eyes.

She knows quite well when we're stressed or change is in the air. I think all babies are quite sensitive to things along that line. They listen, sense, and, feel, better than any of us do. 

We needed this job opportunity that was just presented to me, but looking back on my day, I know she could sense that I was planning on leaving her in the mornings. I just know it.

Al is not one to cry and cry and cry, there's usually one reason she's crying hard and it's because she is very hungry. Even after being well fed, there was not one minute of my day that I was able to put her down without blood curdling screams. I had to take her to the bathroom with me at one point (yes, being a Mom really is a 24/7 gig), she was in such a state of hysteria. She was unusually clingy and if I wasn't in her line of vision, she'd scream. There was no nap, no playtime, no smiles. I finally had to take her for a walk in her beloved stroller. I was out an hour and half walking, aimlessly pushing her so she could fall asleep and get a cat nap in. Walking around a Cemetery is only interesting for so long in a day, there's not much life to the scenery inside those gates. But anything for a nap!!

I told Mark about my job opportunity and he said we'll chat more when he got home from work. He asked if I would look and apply for some part-time jobs in his behalf. I sent off his resume to a few places and then moved on with my day.

Our night was similar to the day and bedtime was a struggle for my overtired, puffy eyed, baby girl.

There was no way I could leave her. Even for a few hours in the mornings while she was sleeping, and I'm convinced she knew that, too. Silly as it may seem to everyone on the outside, I knew in her adult-baby ways, what she was telling me.

"Brothers and sisters, do without if you need to, but don’t do without mother. Mother is more important in the home than money or the things money can buy. Our Father in heaven wants you to be in your home to guide these spirits as no one else can, in spite of material sacrifices that may result. He created you to learn to be a good mother—an eternal mother. It is your first and foremost calling. No baby-sitter, no grandmother, no neighbor, no friend, no Relief Society sister, older brother or sister, or even a loving dad can take your place."  -H. Burke Peterson

This quote from my ABSOLUTE favorite General Conference talk, replayed in my head all day yesterday, and I don't know why I didn't pay it any attention.

When Mark came home from work we both decided to go ahead and cancel the interview I set up, and that we would manage without the extra cash it would produce. He then proceeded to tell me about some up coming lead positions that are opening up at work and how he has some strong connections through his current boss, so there's a very good chance he would get it. Lead positions mean a couple dollar raise!


Mark also received an e-mail back from and employer that I had sent a resume out to earlier that day, setting up a time to meet. The job would be a Farmhand/Handyman, extremely flexible part-time hours, and did I mention it's on a farm? Anyone who knows my Husband knows how passionate he is over that kind of work. He's majoring in Agribusiness, after all. Tonight, he meets with the man and I'm praying he gets this awesome opportunity.

Heavenly Father knows. He also knows when WE know better, but gives us the liberty to exercise our agency. Yesterday I was able to RE-learn a valuable lesson that I obviously needed a refresher-course in. When you're reading your scriptures, saying your prayers, and doing your part daily, He will not leave you hanging. He knows your needs, and I say that with absolute confidence because Alivia has been napping for the last 3 hours, and that's exactly what we both needed today.

P.s- READ THIS TALK. You won't regret it.


https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1974/04/mother-catch-the-vision-of-your-call?lang=eng