Right now I feel like everything that makes me who I am, is under attack. Satan's war on Women and Mothers is deepening and it's intense. I have recently felt it intensify in my home, in my social circles, and in myself personally.
This last week, I let into my home some media entertainment that I should not have. I've had a sick haunting feeling ever since. I failed as a Wife and a Mother in my stewardship as guardian over our home, while my Husband is away during the day.
My Husband always asks why I'm so picky and even a bit strict with the music, movies, and books, I'll allow. It's because it is my weakness. My downfall every time.
But I'm so done with double standards, I could vomit.
Why am I allowing myself to watch Gilmore Girls when it does nothing but make single parenthood look glamorous, it promotes pre-marital sex, and prioritizes career over marriage?
Why am allowing the Arrow in my home when it is filled with violence and killing?
I watched the show Parenthood in which abortion, drugs, and homosexuality, take place.
I believe in the family. I believe in the sanctity of marriage between man and woman. I believe a Mother's place is not in the workforce, but in the home. I believe in having children, not in birth control or abortion. I believe in the Patriarchal order and that my Husband leads my children and I in the like manner of our Father in heaven.
So why do I continually open my front door and let every single thing opposite to what I stand for, in?
I have been nothing but chastised by the Spirit this past week. I literally scrubbed, cleaned, and organized my house from top to bottom I have never felt so filthy. I turned the hymns and General Conference on repeat in hopes to restore the spiritual environment my little family needs in order to survive.
I'm exhausted trying to combat the world while trying to protect my own home. If there's one important lesson I have learned and am continually learning, is my home is a refuge. I may not be able to control what goes on in the world, but alongside my husband we can make our home a refuge from it. We get to decide what kind of things we let through our front door and what kind of environment we want for our family.
Double standards. Blech.
