I don't know where to start.
My heart aches.
It aches for quite a few reasons as of late...
It aches for our nation and the division that is speedily being created.
It aches for America the Covenant land.
For Family units that are deteriorating.
For marriage taken so casually.
For friends and neighbors who have turned on one another.
For lives that have been lost at the hand of evil.
It aches for those who have not experienced the light of the Gospel in their lives, yet.
But mostly, my heart is aching for those that have willfully turned their back on their Savior Jesus Christ.
My sensitivity gets the best of me and I seem too often to place the weight of the world directly on my shoulders.
This week I've written and re-written, and then later erased, so many different things I thought my soul needed to convey on here. But not one of them felt completely right.
So I have just watched the chaos around me unravel continuously, and have waited until I knew how to properly express what I've been feeling.
Quite often it takes a few days to pinpoint specific feelings being felt, and then once recognized, my spirits usually lift and I can move forward. This time, it has taken a couple of weeks.
Anguish along with an incredible depth of gratitude are two feelings I thought near impossible to experience simultaneously. But in feeling such, my mind has recently wandered to the story where we read about Father Lehi's vision.
Immediately after experiencing the joy produced from the fruit of the Tree of Life, Lehi looked around for his family members to join and partake of the goodness, as well. Having most of Lehi's family follow in partaking, the remaining Laman and Lemuel refused to join.
I wonder at that moment how much grief was felt, knowing his two Eldest sons were never going to know the joy and the light that the rest of the family were able to feel.
While Laman and Lemuel grew stagnant, maybe even regressed, all in the dark loneliness of each others bitter company, missing out on light, knowledge, and the eternal blessings that come from obedience, I think of the probable gratitude Lehi was feeling at the same time. Having a good portion of his family experience the fruit and the unified progression that was felt.
But what a hollow sense of enjoyment for a family to participate together in eternal blessings, while having their loved ones withhold themselves from those same blessings.
This scripture story hit home. For multiple reasons and pertaining to different life situations, but it hit hard. I am able to identify with Father Lehi and the coinciding feelings in the verses.
One tends to focus on what is missing rather than what is in front of you. My little family unit is headed for the fruit, I may not have every single person my heart desires walking alongside, but I have my own. Just as Father Lehi didn't stop and wait for everyone to catch up, I cannot either. And that is one of the hardest lessons I'm learning.
While I may feel a sense of grief over those withholding, I feel a depth of gratitude, beyond any description, over the family I do have. The light and knowledge given through progression is beautiful and I'm grateful for the decisions I personally have made in order to be a part of it. I'm able to walk alongside my companion with our babies in tow, toward the fruit and the blessings that lie ahead.
Obedience to the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a safety net, and I am grateful for that safety I feel everyday.
The Plan of Salvation reminds me that I am not alone in my endeavors.
The Prophet is placed on this earth, called of God, and through his voice I can hear Gods voice of instruction.
Through the Covenants made in the Temple I will be able to see my brothers and sisters in the next life.
All these simple truths have brought immeasurable comfort throughout the worldly chaos. I cannot thank my Heavenly Father enough for allowing me everyday to fully participate in the power of the Atonement, made possible by our Savior.
We will never be able to assist those that are lost and confused, unless we ourselves are rooted in the simple truths of the Gospel.
We cannot stop. We cannot wait. We must keep going with the ones we do have walking alongside us, and pray we will find each other at the end.
I'm grateful for the shift of focus Father Lehi and his story has brought to me personally, and the much needed peace that comes in following Jesus Christ.
